Red Sky: Chapter 36
After two years, I could remember the pain of her absence as much as I could remember her. At times Aya was with me as present as the day we first met, as the day we first fell in love. At other times she was like a mist that would evaporate whenever I tried to put my arms around her.
I suppose that’s why I agreed when Dexter offered me his spot with the concubines. He and Brin had finished in second place in the annual mining totals. He said he could never fully repay me for saving his life, that this was a small gesture to show his appreciation.
With Com’s death, with the realization of Aya’s death, with Max gone, I was more alone than I had ever been even in my loneliest days growing up. I said yes, hoping the hour would bring some comfort, hoping the hour would calm my head and help me forget everything I had ever known.
The two new guards were the only ones on duty. That’s why Dexter could offer his place to me. They didn’t know me. They didn’t know Dexter. The rest of the guards were in back either enjoying the concubines or resting from having just enjoyed the concubines.
It was surprisingly easy to pass myself off as Dex when it came time to go to the cells. I suppose they never thought one of the inmates would give up his spot to another, so the two new guards didn’t look twice when I lined up as one of the six winners. None of the other inmates said anything. They were all too excited to care that an imposter was in their midst. I didn’t feel like an imposter. I felt this was owed to me somehow, owed to me by Goodwell, by the Federation, by life. This opportunity to be human for one hour.
All of the cells were left open. There was no one in the prison block except for the six of us and the six concs. The two new guards had to stay in the cafeteria, so I didn’t worry about being discovered once I made it pass them. I had an hour of privacy, that was one of the rewards as well, almost as nice as the sex, one hour in the light of the cell block without Hades or Goodwell watching over me.
I walked towards Dexter’s cell, which was on the same floor as mine, down at the very end of the block. When I reached the cell, she was waiting for me, lying on the bed covered only in a see-through white chemise. She had black hair. Her face was lean and she had fluorescent green eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief that she looked absolutely nothing like Aya as I continued to stare at her like a gawky teenager.
She didn’t say anything when I entered the cell. She eyed me warily, yet didn’t make any of the defensive gestures that usually accompany such unease. She knew her role, even if those green eyes betrayed her. I walked cautiously, perhaps afraid that any sudden moves would startle her. She seemed amused by my tentativeness. When I was an arm’s length away, I offered my hand. She coldly looked at it, wary once again. I kept my hand in place, waiting for her. She put her hand out and I took it in mine. I led her up from the bed and out of the cell. I had no desire to be with a woman in Dexter’s bed. If I was going to sleep with her, I was going to do it back home, in my cell.
We walked hand in hand down the prison block, the sound of the exertions of the other couples filtering through the stale air. We reached my cell in the middle of the block. I asked her name as we sat down beside each other on my bed.
She looked away not wanting to answer. I had broken her typical routine, which was to give of the body and nothing else. In my awkward attempt to make conversation I had turned us into two strangers on a date instead of what we were. I smiled. She smiled back although she kept her gaze downward only looking at me through the upper corner of her eyes. I told her my name. She visibly relaxed. She determined I wasn’t tricking her. I was only painfully sincere. “Lara” she said, her green eyes softening ever so slightly as they finally met mine.
My hand reached up to her face and touched her cheek. She was truly beautiful. But that beauty was lost on me. It was the warmth I craved, the warmth radiating from her soft cheek to my fingers. The warmth of her body when I put my other hand around her waist and leaned in to kiss her. After our kiss, she pulled away and reached down pulling her dress over her head. I bent down and kissed her left breast, then her right one. I took off my uniform. We were now both naked, our bodies collapsing into one another, all of the awkwardness gone.
I bent down to kiss her on the mouth again. Her eyes inflated with a mixture of surprise and delight. Once again, I had disrupted the routine. I’m sure she was used to much less foreplay, while I was trying to relive all of those years I had lost while imprisoned on the red moon. My hands continued to explore. I moved on top of her. I did not rush. I took my time as we made love in the most unromantic of circumstances.
*
The thin fabric of Lara’s dress served as a makeshift cover for our naked bodies as we lay together on my bed. I stroked her hair and looked into those green eyes. They were now staring up at the ceiling lost in thoughts and memories. They say that becoming a concubine is the female version of the mine. That only those who've been convicted and sentenced back on Earth serve as concubines. I found that hard to believe as I stared at those green eyes. It was just as likely that she was from a poor family and had been snatched up by the Federation to serve because of her beauty.
I admired her profile. She had a strong nose. I've always thought a strong nose is a sign of ambition. The nose fit her lean face and highlighted her striking eyes. I studied the outline of her soft chin and sleek jawline. It was admiration, little more. Even though one may say she was more beautiful than my Aya, she held none of the same power over me. It’s strange, I thought, the subjectivity of desire. I wondered if she was thinking of a past lover as well, if that’s how she survived her day-to-day life. I wanted to ask if she was serving a five-year sentence. I wanted to talk to her like a girlfriend, a wife. Instead, I let the silence linger. The groans of the other couples started up for a second round. I made no such move with Lara.
“The guys usually pounce right away,” she said, still confused by my tentative approach. “A couple of the guards don’t even pounce, they order, the same way they order you.”
The green eyes moved down from the ceiling to meet mine.
“The wait can be worse than the sex,” she continued. “They keep us waiting in pens like cattle when they’re not using us. We’re released after they’ve had breakfast, we service the first shift before they leave, then it’s the second shift’s turn for however long they want. When the second shift leaves to change with the first shift, there’s an entire hour when we’re alone with the big one. I hate that hour, it’s even worse than the usual work.”
“The big one?”
“The head guard.”
“Hades,” I said grimly. “He calls himself Hades.”
“Whatever he calls himself, he’s not interested in sex. He’s the one most interested in ordering us around.”
“Same with us.”
She laughed a little. “It’s not often I get a schoolboy like you, the guards are either puppies or cavemen, most are cavemen.”
“And the inmates?”
“The same. Puppies or cavemen.”
“Is a schoolboy better than a puppy?”
“Slightly.”
We both laughed.
“Do you miss home? I miss home,” I said too eagerly, like a schoolboy.
“There is no home,” she said, stopping the conversation.
The silence returned. Lara’s eyes went back to the ceiling above. I looked up to the giant red clock. We still had fifteen minutes.
“Do you ever think that this life is one long nightmare?” She asked.
Lara sat up and turned to me. “I wake up in the morning, every morning, and wonder what I did to end up here. Is it some mistake I made or did I never have a chance like it was an inevitable disease or something? Do you feel like that, too?”
I didn’t want to answer.
“Can I draw you?” I asked, changing the subject.
The look of wariness returned.
“No. It’s innocent. I promise.”
She was still hesitant.
“It’s been two years since I’ve been within twenty meters of a woman. It’ll be more than two years before it happens again. I would like something to remember you by.”
“If you answer my question.”
“Okay,” I said as I got up and retrieved the paper and chalk from the crevice in the back of my cell. “I’ll answer your question as I sketch you.”
I laid the paper flat on the hard bed. If we’d had soft beds none of us could have written or sketched, but because the bed was hard it served as a perfect easel or writing stand. I knelt down and started sketching. Lara sat above me on the bed watching my hands.
The lines came more slowly now that I could see what I was doing in the light. I was used to the comfort of darkness where I was forced to concentrate on the smallest of details. Now that I had Lara staring back at me and other distractions within my line of vision, I felt terribly self-conscious.
I gave Lara some of my previous sketches so she would be occupied while I drew her face. Once she was no longer watching me, my concentration came back and the lines came quicker.
“You still haven’t answered my question,” she said flipping through the stack of images.
“You won’t like my answer,” I said as my hand moved back and forth on the paper. “I don’t know about you, but for me, it wasn’t inevitable. It was something I did and regret. I deserve this.”
I was right. She didn’t like my answer and made a face. Now it was her turn to change the subject
“Some of these are pretty good,” she said.
“They were done in low light. It’s the first chance I’ve had to see them in normal light.” I stopped sketching and looked at the works in Lara’s hands. I could see the flaws in the line, the details that were left out as my imagination filled them in in the darkness.
“They’re just a distraction,” I said. “I have trouble sleeping at night so it’s something for me to do.”
“Who’s this?” Lara asked holding one of my better sketches of Aya. “Is she another conc?”
I laughed. “No, she’s from Earth, back home.”
Lara’s green eyes grew intense. She looked closely at the portrait then pulled back and took in the overall view.
“I know her,” she said.
“What?” I shook my head. “No, you don’t.”
“Or someone that looks like her. She’s a conc like me. I met her on Alpha 4. We spent a lot of time together there. I liked her, that’s why I remember her. I don’t always like the others. Some of them are mean. You’d think we’d be nicer to each other since..." she hesitated, "because of the way we’re treated.”
“It’s the same here. I guess it’s like that everywhere no matter what situation you’re in.”
Lara looked at the picture of Aya again. I went back to sketching.
“This girl was smarter than most, had more education than the rest of us. I don’t know what she did to end up like this.”
I had finished the outline of Lara’s face and was starting with the details of her cheekbones.
“She would reminisce about weekends at her cabin. It sounded like paradise. I guess anything is paradise compared to this. And she had this funny whistle. She would whistle when they made us march from place to place. It imitated a bird.” Lara imitated the whistle.
The chalk stopped moving.
My veins froze.
My heart exploded.
“What was her name?” I blurted out, not comprehending what was happening.
“Something, something 42, I think.” Lara was still looking at the sketch. She hadn’t noticed that my world was changing right before her eyes.
“No. Her real name, do you know her real name?”
Lara absent-mindedly tapped a finger against her cheek. My life stopped. It couldn’t be true. I didn’t know if I wanted it to be true. Was Aya living the same hell that I was? I hoped not. But if she was living that hell then she was alive. ALIVE.
I wondered if there were any clues in my cell. I never wrote Aya’s name on the sketches. There’s no way she could have known that name unless Aya told it to her. Aya wasn’t a common name. The odds of the girl looking like her, having the same whistle and the same name without it actually being her would be a trillion to one. Maybe ten trillion to one. Everything relied on her response. My entire existence relied on her response. I tried to hide the importance. I didn’t want to frighten Lara. I didn't want her to panic and never tell me the name I needed to hear.
“It started with an A, I think.”
It would have been a cruel fate if she had left me with that one letter, but then she said it and my world evolved.
“Aya with an A. That’s the way she introduced herself.”
There was a loud knock behind me, but I didn’t hear it. Lara moved back against the wall, but I hardly noticed. Only when I felt the shock of my collar did I realize we were no longer alone in the cell.
“You played a trick on me.” The shock stopped, replaced by a blow to my head and then a shock with the lance. “And not only that, I found you with contraband. I’m going to make you pay.” The new guard was not happy.
“Wait here. Both of you.”
He lowered the shield and left us there. Lara scrambled to put her clothes on. I was still on the floor, my brain working through all of the possibilities. Grier didn’t kill her. He banished her like me. It made sense now. He caught her when she was leaving to meet me on the pier. He didn’t have to kill her, just like he didn’t have to kill me. His family had the power to send us to worse fates. Max was right. The murder was implanted. That’s why it was so hazy even after two years. That’s why I could only remember her blood on the floor, not how she got on the floor. I should have asked Lara more questions. By the time I made sense of everything I could hear boots on the walkway. It was too late. Hades would be there any second.
“I’m sorry,” I said to Lara, quickly putting my orange jumpsuit on. “I didn’t want to get you in trouble. The sketches are a way for me to remember, I never should have…”
“It’s not your fault,” she stopped me. Then gave a plaintive look. “I understand.”
“Understand?”
“Yes.”
And by looking into her eyes, those brilliant sad green eyes, I could see she did understand. Everything. It was something only another captive would understand. These little things we keep for ourselves. The memories and tokens of another life that remind us there is a possibility of something better.
The shield lifted and we had visitors once again. I turned to greet them and was knocked back by not one, but two lances. Hades stood behind the two new guards as they kept stinging me.
“You’re a problem, 89. I’m sick of having to clean up after you.”
He looked over to Lara who was on my bed backed up against the wall.
“Why is this rag here?”
“Lara had nothing to do with it. It’s my fault,” I said through the pain of repeated blows.
Hades’ eyes lit up. “Lara?” he asked. “Who’s Lara? I only see a lazy conc who isn’t doing her job.”
Lara’s eyes lit up, too, frightened of Hades. He seized her by the hair and dragged her down from the bed. “Please, no,” she screamed. The pain of the lance was replaced by the paralysis of the collar. I couldn’t move or speak. I could only watch as Hades threw her down to the floor.
“Some like to look at their faces. I don’t,” Hades spat. “I don’t even think they need faces to do their job properly.”
Her face was aimed at me. I don’t know if that was intentional or accidental. I watched as she was transformed back into a slave.
“You should never talk to them. You should never have to talk to them.”
Hades watched me. Lara’s eyes were on me, too. I stared back unable to close my eyes.
“I bet he didn’t even screw you properly. Take notes, 89. I want you to know what a real man does to a conc before I put you in the box again. Before I leave you in that box until your body’s as sore as she’s going to be.”
I watched as the spark went out from her beautiful green eyes. What had been a sensitive thinking woman moments earlier was now a concubine again. She was just a lump of matter for Hades to thrust into, for Hades to degrade and abuse. She was as lifeless as Com’s body a few days earlier.
When he was done, he pushed her against the back wall, her head knocking hard against the stone. Blood ran from her forehead.
He turned to the other two guards.
“Get this sorry Nic down on the post, so we can have some fun.”
*
Com didn’t make it past fifteen lashes and the box. I was now at forty-two.
There’s a point past pain where individual injuries don’t matter. Where the neurons in the brain can’t handle any more activity and the body shuts down. I exceeded that place after thirty lashes. Now that I was in the forties each individual blow no longer increased my agony, only prolonged it.
After the forty-fifth blow, there was a pause and I heard Hades’ voice. I never wanted to hear that voice again.
“89 has been in the box twice and thinks he still doesn’t have to follow the rules.”
Ginger approached me. I trembled not knowing what horror was next. He unlocked my wrists from the post. My arms fell to my side. I was still conscious enough to feel that.
“There will not be a fourth time. I promise you.”
Ginger rolled me off the whipping post. I could see a pained look on his face as he guided me to the floor making sure I didn’t land on my back.
I was face down on the floor, drool escaping from my mouth, eyes watering, body shaking. I may have even pissed myself. My back was a checkerboard of pain. I wondered if there was any skin left on it. I was now in fear of anything touching that back. Hades wouldn’t need the whip, a finger against my shredded body would cause as much pain.
Ginger took my left arm and Beak took my right arm and they started dragging me across the prison floor to the box.
“What are you doing!” Hades shouted from behind. I was dropped to the floor again.
“He had forty-five lashes,” Ginger stuttered an explanation.
“It’s double for each offense, not fifteen more,” Hades screamed.
I wouldn’t have survived another fifteen.
From my place face down on the floor I was able to peer back to where Hades stood. I was waiting for him to stalk over in my direction and hitch me back up to the post himself. He didn’t move and after a couple of seconds, he thrust his hands forward telling Ginger and Beak to keep dragging me to the box. It was too late to go back, re-strapping me to the post would take away the desired effect. Instead of frightening the inmates, it would make Hades’ show look amateurish.
Whether it was through kindness or incompetence Ginger had saved my life. I would have thanked him, but I passed out before I could. The metal door closed on me when I was unconscious.
Several hours or several days later I woke up in the darkness. Like the last time I began to remember. I remembered Max leaving. I remembered Renn’s arrival, Com’s death and Lara’s rape. I retraced every blow of the last week. A clarity overtook my mind. I saw the future.
“I’m going to do two things.” I vowed to myself as I sat in the darkness my body and psyche scarred, “I’m going to escape from this moon and find Aya.”
“And I’m going to kill Hades.”